be careful making wishes in the
hey i heard u like bad boys, i dont mean to brag or anything but im really really bad. at everything.
[walks around with an entire big mac in my mouth but never actually biting down] It’s a metaphor, see: you put the killing thing right between your teeth, but you don’t give it the power to do its killing.
you took this from a fault in our stars augustus does the same thing only with a cigarette ok ok
i don’t know what you’re talking about this is an excerpt from my upcoming 100% original novel “the fart in our stalls”
how do boys look good without makeup
please friendzone me. I want to be your friend so badly
these types of things are my favorite
i gave my grandma two dollars to get me “an arizona tea and a Reese’s cup” and she brought me this and gave me my money back
this perfectly describes grandmas
My grandma would have given me a five and thrown in a new pair of shoes too.
im sorry i wasnt aware that this was the goddamn grandma olympics
none pizza with left beef
It should be a rule of Tumblr to always reblog none pizza with left beef
ive missed you
#THIS IS MY FAVORITE FUCKING THING JUST THE BEEF#YOU COULD TELL THE POOR CHEF WAS JUST FUCKING#DISGUSTED#WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS#WHAT THE F U C K IS THIS#WHO THE FUCK ORDERS A#A /NONE/ PIZZA?? JUST BEEF ON THE LEFT???#FUCK IT#F U CK IT#JUST COOK THE FUCKING DOUGH#HERE LET ME THROW THIS FUCKING HANDFUL OF OBLONG BEEF CHUNKS AT YOUR NONE FUCKING PIZZA#FUCK YOU#FUCK YOU AND ALL YOU STAND FOR#LEFT FUCKING BEEF (via askscientistcarlos)
my dick has a lot in common with the sun
nobody likes looking directly at it?
It gives people cancer?
woAh woah woah
It rises at the crack of dawn?
it disappears at night?
direct exposure often leads to a nasty case of sunburn?
it needs to stay approximately 92,960,000 miles away from me?
nobody will ever touch it?